were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
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I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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