There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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