in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
