the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
