I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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