i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
