I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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