all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
so let's talk penis.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
