Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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