is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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