I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
