I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
