dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
