It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
don't judge my taste in strippers
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
