yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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