Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
