new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
tell me about the eggs
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
