I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Lo siento on account of my penis...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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