You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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