Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
