3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
