Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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