I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
