Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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