is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
