those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
