just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
