Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
