There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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