so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
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I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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