I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
i think im in europe. pls send help
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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