If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
