Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
