if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
