This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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