I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
