Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
