I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
