I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
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