Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
