I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
