She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
