You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
