there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
