On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
