My hair reeks of homosexuality.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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