they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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