After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
