Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.