if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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