he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
