What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
