Someone shit on the floor
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
