Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
