would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
