He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
