i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
