Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize