i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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