one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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