I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I cannot find my penis.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
