I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
