I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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