You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
