i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
