dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Randomize
