Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
