Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
