They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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